Extrovert vs. Introvert — win/win? 
Monday December 1, 2003 by Hal
I’m using some of my coaching emails to continue to explain some of the differences between temperaments.
A wife wrote: My husband is a phlegmel (in other words, a strong Phlegmatic with a Melancholy secondary), and I am a sangchol (or a Sanguine with a Choleric secondary). How can I best relate to my husband without shutting him down, or trampling on he feelings?
Thanx for your input!
I answered: As a Sanguine Choleric you are an outgoing, warm “driver”. Driver in the sense that you want to move forward and push ahead towards your goals and ambitions. Your Sanguine primary gives you an “edge” in that the warmth and outgoing part of your nature keeps you from seeming overbearing as you move towards the things you want.
As a Phlematic Melancholy, your husband is more likely to be an “inner” person - laid back, easy going, but not the outgoing person you are. Phlegmatics feel threatened by the more outgoing temperament types. Here are some suggestions:
First, realize that you are NOT going to change his underlying type and he is NOT going to change yours. As a Phlegmatic myself, married to a Sanguine, I have to find time to “retreat and recharge” from her energetic and outgoing nature. She has come to realize that the things she values in me (stability, ability to “take” her moods, etc) are not necessarily what she needs in interpersonal relationships. To that end, she is more open to visit with friends, co-workers, and family to meet her need for socialibility.
That doesn’t let me (or your husband) off the hook - to get more “out of him” he HAS to feel that you are a SAFE person to be around; safe in terms of allowing him to feel his own feelings and express them in his own way. If you are impatient (as a SangChol) can easily be - he will feel it’s not okay to be himself.
I could go on - but I’d better leave it here. Let me know if you have additional questions.
Hal