Tuesday December 23, 2003 by Hal
With a half century under my belt (why did I use that imagery? Hmmm …) I’m only now beginning to learn the “choice of happiness”. For so many years I lived with dissatisfaction about my life — you name it; job, money, “toys”.
As Hans and Franz said, “listen to me now and think about it later” — happiness is an attitude that has to be cultivated and chosen each and every day. Where you are “right now” is the sum total of every circumstance and decision you have made up to this point. It does no good to say, “It’s bad karma or bad luck or bad genes” or anything else.
If, then, where you are now is a result of past choices — then there’s nothing to gain from moaning about your state of being. Change the choices, change the attitudes, begin to choose happiness.
I’m not being Pollyanna here — life is hard at times and painful at times and downright rotten at times — but I still maintain that happiness is a choice.
Monday December 8, 2003 by Hal
And I don’t mean my closet! Taking a break from my coaching letters, I again turn my thoughts to the unthinkable. Do you realize how much we as humans are unable to perceive or even imagine?
Well thanks to imaginative friends online, here is a trip to a black hole, free!
Wednesday December 3, 2003 by Hal
I rarely get angry but I don’t think it’s because I’m introverted. Beyond introvert/extrovert there are other temperament classifications. To see a comparison of different types of temperament systems look at this article on my other website — I’m gonna keep on looking.
But here is one of my coaching emails dealing with anger:
The reader writes: Thank You So Much! I have taken the temperment (personality test) from one of Florence Littauer’s books (HOW TO GET ALONG WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE) and came out as a strong Melancholy, followed closely by Choleric with almost no Sanguine and just a few Phlegmatic traits. As the typical Melancholy might I’ve always tried to understand who and why I am and how to get along better with others, since I do not! get a long well. Your article was very enlightening and helpful. Now if I can just apply what I’ve learned I might cope better.
And I answered: The melancholy/choleric combination is a very detailed person with a strong drive to accomplish whatever is ahead of them. Unfortunately, it also has the potential to combine the strongest negative traits - criticism and anger. A melancholy/choleric MUST realize that they are not always right (even when it seems SO clear that you are - to you!) and that other’s ways of doing things are okay (even when they seem careless and un-directed).
You will work better with other Cholerics who respect your level of detail. You would do well to cultivate a few Phlegmatic friends who will accept you as you are - and give them the space in your life to (gently) offer you their input on your ideas.
Let me know if I can answer any other questions.
Monday December 1, 2003 by Hal
I’m using some of my coaching emails to continue to explain some of the differences between temperaments.
A wife wrote: My husband is a phlegmel (in other words, a strong Phlegmatic with a Melancholy secondary), and I am a sangchol (or a Sanguine with a Choleric secondary). How can I best relate to my husband without shutting him down, or trampling on he feelings?
Thanx for your input!
I answered:
As a Sanguine Choleric you are an outgoing, warm “driver”. Driver in the sense that you want to move forward and push ahead towards your goals and ambitions. Your Sanguine primary gives you an “edge” in that the warmth and outgoing part of your nature keeps you from seeming overbearing as you move towards the things you want.
As a Phlematic Melancholy, your husband is more likely to be an “inner” person - laid back, easy going, but not the outgoing person you are. Phlegmatics feel threatened by the more outgoing temperament types. Here are some suggestions:
First, realize that you are NOT going to change his underlying type and he is NOT going to change yours. As a Phlegmatic myself, married to a Sanguine, I have to find time to “retreat and recharge” from her energetic and outgoing nature. She has come to realize that the things she values in me (stability, ability to “take” her moods, etc) are not necessarily what she needs in interpersonal relationships. To that end, she is more open to visit with friends, co-workers, and family to meet her need for socialibility.
That doesn’t let me (or your husband) off the hook - to get more “out of him” he HAS to feel that you are a SAFE person to be around; safe in terms of allowing him to feel his own feelings and express them in his own way. If you are impatient (as a SangChol) can easily be - he will feel it’s not okay to be himself.
I could go on - but I’d better leave it here. Let me know if you have additional questions.
Hal
Wednesday November 26, 2003 by Hal
I am a part time life coach (though I don’t really like the term; I use it to differentiate myself from a soccer or basketball coach). So from time to time I thought I’d share some of the emails I get mostly from my “other” website — I’m Gonna Keep on Looking — where I “store” my written work.
Here goes — question: HOW LONG WILL IT TAKE TO CHANGE ONE’S SELF IMAGE AND DO YOU HAVE ANY USEFUL TIPS FOR IT?
Answer: Self image is composed of your own inner picture of yourself. That picture is made up of your own “self talk” and what family and friends think of you.
It will take you as long to change your self image as it takes to change your inner “self talk” and believe it. Tips: do something challenging that you wouldn’t normally think of as “you”. Go hiking or white water rafting or audition for a play - anything that challenges you to see yourself differently. If you have family and friends who “put you down” then put some emotional distance between yourself and them.
Let me know how it goes.
Hal
Thursday November 20, 2003 by Hal
And I guess it’s been there all the time! (What the heck is he talking about? I don’t know — he’s kind of strange; he must be introverted.).
I’ve been a backyard astronomy buff for a long time and a few years back I got a wonderful pair of binoculars with image stabilizers. I’ve looked at stars and planets and the moon.
Then I came across an article online telling how to find M31; the Andromeda galaxy. Andromeda is our neighbor and is heading straight for us at 65,000 meters per hour and will get here in several hundred million years then BANG (just kidding).
For many nights I hunted using the directions I’d found (2nd star to the right and straight ahead till morning — wait, wrong directions.) Then, after many false starts and cloudy nights, there it was — a faint smudge of light about the size of a capital “O”. Light that left Andromeda 200 million years ago lightly struck my retina.
I was awestruck — the human mind cannot grasp these sizes and distances; and the worst (best?) thing is that this smudge of light representing 100 Billion stars is still only a tiny, tiny, tiny part of the known universe.
Okay, I’m exhausted and done now. If you’d like to see a picture taken by the big ‘scopes you can go here — I’ll use my imagination.
